Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Blasphemous Brassieres

There is a funny thread at RfM about wearing garments. One of the men posed a question about whether or not it's true that endowed mormon women are told to wear their bras over their garment tops. For the record, yes they are. I still have an ugly image of myself burned into my mind of wearing my then favorite red velvet bra OVER my garments. Sex appeal has never been so successful. Yeah. To someone without the ability to see maybe. Now you, dear unfortunate reader, have this gag-inducing image seared into your brain as well. But I digress.

A poster with the moniker Laban's Head added this to the topic, "After years of trying to make it work I finally started to wear the bra under the garments. My then teenaged daughter got all righteous on me and had some words to say. I told her that when God started wearing a bra, then he could have an opinion on how it should be worn."

So funny. I wish I had a picture of myself in that red velvet bra with my garments to add to this post. That's something to lament.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Cold Catheter

That was the anti-spam word verification I was just required to enter for the last blogger comment I made. Ha. That sounds uncomfortably random. I feel a little violated. ;-) Oh my.

What is the funniest word verification you've seen?

Are You Worthy?

Today I have been reading blogs during my lunch. I've read Mormon blogs and Exmormon blogs alike. What jumped out to me were all of the comments by the heterosexual active mormon friends and family of the bloggers. They seemed to hold back on sharing their testimony. It was much more subtle than that. There was no obvious judging, but if one really analyzes the words they were saying, it seems there is still a large gap in their views of gay people's morals, ethics, faith and worthiness. I read a comment about a woman lamenting how her children were not as "faithful" as she wanted them to be because they left the Mormon church. I read other comments about morals, as if it is a worthiness issue.

Having lived half my life far away from any kind of Mormon population and the other half in areas with many Mormons, I do understand from where this confusion stems. I used to view the world in a black and white way. Things were right or wrong. People were worthy or unworthy; faithful or unfaithful. There was no allowance for the fact that my mormon view of being faithful or worthy is not THE standard.

I consider myself to be MORE worthy, faithful and moral now that I am not in the church and am no longer trying to convince myself to be straight. I can still be faithful. I have faith in many things. I have goals I try to live by to enforce my own moral code I set for myself. I am more worthy because I have and feel more worth—more self-worth. I spend more time thinking about my thoughts, words and actions while making sure I try to do what is right for myself, others and the environment. I don't just blindly follow what others tell me is the only correct and moral way to live with faith (and I'm not saying that all Mormons do this). I know its just the wording that Mormons use, but when one really sits down and spends some time deconstructing  what they are saying and the loaded meaning behind their words, then it's hard not to see it as representative of a narrow world view.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Weekend and Evening National Hotline for LGBT

Before I continue this post, I should pose this question to the MoHos who might happen to stumble upon my blog. Is there a LGBT hotline that is accessible at night and on weekends?

Currently, you can only call between 4:00-9:00 pm  EST. That means that the truly desperate who need to vent to someone in California have until 6:00 pm to make that call. Depression and desperation usually take place a little later at night than that, don't you think? It's at night and in the evenings that can be the most difficult and lonely. Is there another number that is accessible 24 hours a day that I'm not aware of?

If there is not a different number, I'm interested in looking into starting a fundraiser that would enable this hotline to stay open during the hours that I feel people most need it during the holidays. I have no idea how to go about doing such a thing, but I have been a part of grass roots organizations and political campaigns so I have gained some experience that could help. I feel I have what it takes to start this ball rolling, if someone could just give me some contact information and point me in the right direction. I would also like to gather a team of people to help start this cause with me. Either that or we could work together with our state and national representatives for funds for a hotline with better hours. Only 5 hours a day is not very many, in light of how many gay people take their lives. What if one of them had tried to call that number first, only to hear that recording?

The National Counseling Service pays for the current hotline to be open during its now working hours. Maybe we could start a campaign to get the LGBT community to write letters, send emails and make phone calls to this group to voice our opinion that the hours of operation should be extended. Those of us who feel this is an important service could donate.

Who wants to join forces with me or lead me in the right direction to help make this positive change? Any takers?

Saturday, November 20, 2010


I'm loving all of the snow we have been getting! While I'm usually a downhill skiier only, I'm going to take up cross-country skiing this year because they have many courses for it in the woods around here. Meanwhile, I've been snowshoeing.

All of this snow makes me so glad I left my big East Coast city. Mountain life in a small town does my spirit good. I love watching the elk and moose in the evenings as I soak in the hot tub while watching the stars.

I like how snow covers the ground as a new start. Yes, it covers much beauty and the Aspens are now bare, but it covers everything, even the dying and decaying. I think of this season as being full of life, but I have always been a Winter Baby.

In my personal life, I have had my own snowfall lately and it is covering the ugliness the church and family have left with their reaction to my being gay. Maybe when spring comes, some new and unexpected flowers will bloom in the hearts of my loved ones and they will learn to love me as I am, gayness and all. That is my hope for Spring. I have to have that hope.

For now though, I will enjoy the heck out of the snow and the season of newness it brings. I guess most don't equate winter as a season of newness, but it is for me this year. It is covering past pain that is hard to remember as I frolic around an play in the snow. I have hopes that when this cold milk dust melts away, so will the church and my loved ones' anger at my gayness. If not, I can't worry about that now. I have too much white, fluffy stuff begging for romping and jumping!