Monday, November 22, 2010

Are You Worthy?

Today I have been reading blogs during my lunch. I've read Mormon blogs and Exmormon blogs alike. What jumped out to me were all of the comments by the heterosexual active mormon friends and family of the bloggers. They seemed to hold back on sharing their testimony. It was much more subtle than that. There was no obvious judging, but if one really analyzes the words they were saying, it seems there is still a large gap in their views of gay people's morals, ethics, faith and worthiness. I read a comment about a woman lamenting how her children were not as "faithful" as she wanted them to be because they left the Mormon church. I read other comments about morals, as if it is a worthiness issue.

Having lived half my life far away from any kind of Mormon population and the other half in areas with many Mormons, I do understand from where this confusion stems. I used to view the world in a black and white way. Things were right or wrong. People were worthy or unworthy; faithful or unfaithful. There was no allowance for the fact that my mormon view of being faithful or worthy is not THE standard.

I consider myself to be MORE worthy, faithful and moral now that I am not in the church and am no longer trying to convince myself to be straight. I can still be faithful. I have faith in many things. I have goals I try to live by to enforce my own moral code I set for myself. I am more worthy because I have and feel more worth—more self-worth. I spend more time thinking about my thoughts, words and actions while making sure I try to do what is right for myself, others and the environment. I don't just blindly follow what others tell me is the only correct and moral way to live with faith (and I'm not saying that all Mormons do this). I know its just the wording that Mormons use, but when one really sits down and spends some time deconstructing  what they are saying and the loaded meaning behind their words, then it's hard not to see it as representative of a narrow world view.

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